Wrinkled Thoughts

Since the Salt Lake Tribune newspaper only posts the obituary for 30 days, I decided I would duplicate it here… forever.

Hollis N. Service "Holly" 11/23/1908 ~ 8/21/2007 Beloved father, grandfather and great-grandfather, Holly Service, passed away peacefully August 21, 2007 surrounded by his family. Holly was born November 23, 1908 to William Service and Bertha West. He was born and raised on the Avenues of Salt Lake City where he witnessed early Salt Lake history and captivated family with his stories. Married Myrtle Ruth Harvey June 24, 1931. Later solemnized in the Logan Temple. They were a loving, devoted couple for 67 years. Grandpa has been an avid Uteman since 1918 when he sold Eskimo Pies in the old Deseret Gym. Holly and Myrtle spent many hours supporting their Utah teams. He was honored to be chosen as a Utah Super Fan. A natural athlete, he started golfing at age 65 and that same year won the Granite School District Golf Tournament. He went on to score two holes-in-one in his lifetime, playing his last game three weeks before his death. Holly was a loving father who always supported his boys in whatever endeavor they wanted to pursue. He had an infectious laugh and sense of humor that he passed on to his posterity. He developed friendships with everyone he met. Holly was preceded in death by his loving wife, Myrtle, and brother, Jack. Survived by sons, Gary (Linda), Craig (Diane), eight grandchildren and 15 great-grand-children. A viewing will be held Saturday, August 25, 10:30 to 11:40 a.m. at Larkin Sunset Gardens, 1950 E. 10600 S. followed by a graveside service at 12 noon. Online condolences can be made at www.larkinmortuary.com WE WILL MISS YOU GRANDPA! 

Yesterday was one of the saddest days in my life. 

My 98 year old grandfather passed away suddenly. I spent most of the day in the emergency hospital room at St. Marks hospital with my uncle Gary, aunt Linda, cousins Mindy and Chris and my cousin-in-law Allison. We all watched as my grandfather passed peacefully. 

He went the way he wanted to go. Even at the ripe old age of 98, he was still living independently, driving and even golfing with me this summer. Last Wednesday, during our last lunch together, he was even a little worried because his driver's license was going to expire this year and he was afraid they wouldn't give him another. We all know he would have passed the test with flying colors.

There aren't enough words in the English language (that I know of) to explain what a father, grandfather and GREAT grandfather he was - emphasis on GREAT. I already miss him dearly. It is going to take a long time for me to get a new Wednesday lunch routine that comes remotely close to the good times I was able to share with him over the last two years. I cherish every moment I spent with him and consider myself the luckiest of his grandchildren to have that time.

I will continue to post stories and "Hollyisms" as they come to mind. Speaking of "Hollyisms" my cousin-in-law Allison remembered another one while we were sharing time in the emergency room. I've added it here .

My grandfather was a man who will be talked about, quoted, and admired for many generations to come. The State of Utah and the city of Salt Lake will never be the same again.

In loving memory of my grandpa Holly, who to the great joy of my beloved grandma Myrtle returned to his Heavenly Father yesterday. 

A few months back I promised to have a video of my grandfather reciting his (and mine) favorite poem. He's getting up there in years so he almost forgot how it went… but here goes. It's always funnier when he does it.

So my wife was talking with Grandpa Service a few weeks ago and he mentioned how much he misses playing golf. Well, today - after a 4 year absence from the links - Grandpa played 9 full holes…

… and he still has it! We played at Grandpa's "Home Course" (Nibley) and he rocked. I've never seen a man hit a 3 wood so consistently! He is the master at 100 yards - straight down the fairway. He even beat me on two holes! - That is mostly because I can't putt to save my butt, but he still beat the other couple we played with. They were amazed that a 98 year old man was able to golf like that.

Grandpa was a little worried as we stepped on the course saying, "I hope I can still hit the ball… I feel like I couldn't hit the broadside of a barn with a handful of wheat!".

Well, I think he even surprised himself… but he REALLY enjoyed himself, so we are planning on playing once a week through the summer. This is GREAT! I finally have a golf partner and I won't go broke playing because at Nibley it is only $16.50 for the TWO of us with a cart for 9! Love it!

I took some pictures with my phone… I'll try take the real camera next time.

 

Yes, this is another post with my 98 year-old grandfather as the star. 

On Easter Sunday, we all went over to my Uncle Gary's for dinner and an egg hunt for the kids. It was a wonderful dinner (as it always is with my Aunt Linda) and fun for all. I learned that my cousin Chris is an even bigger "Gamer" than me on the XBox 360.. although he doesn't have a Wii yet.

During dinner, grandpa was having a hot dog (and freezing like he always is outside) when he looked across the table and saw my cousin John's daughter, Sawyer settling in with her hot dog and orange jello salad. Being grandpa, he immediately snatched Sawyer's hot dog and pretended to take a bite.  Upon seeing her dog returned to her plate (a little to close to her jello), Sawyer proceeded to give grandpa the third degree and then refused to eat the hot dog because it had been violated. Grandpa later told me he doesn't think that little girl likes him much.

However! At lunch with grandpa the other day, I was forced to take the two foster kids we have in our home because Sage was having her hair done. This was a HUGE endeavor on several fronts. 1) The two kids we have for the time being are GIANTS! The little boy ("Bubba") is not even 9 months old and weighs 23 lbs. He looks like a miniature sumo wrestler with his diaper on. His head is bigger than the twins who are 5 years old. We've been told his 21 month old sister was exactly the same way when she was his age. She hasn't exactly shrunk… I've nicknamed her "Big D". The "D" is the first letter of her first name. 2) Big D absolutely HATES me. I've never been dissed the way she has dissed me the last few weeks. It was so bad at one point that Big D would drop to the floor crying if I walked in the room… and I'm not kidding! I found out I'm not the only male she doesn't like. She dissed the doctor too.

So, I knew I was in for an adventure at lunch. I was hoping Big D would at least let me get her out of the car without a melt down. She must have been in a good mood. And then the cutest thing in the world happened. I'm not supposed to post photos of kids in our care on the internet, but since she was looking the other way, and you can't see her face, I decided this would be the exception. While I was pulling "Bubba" out of his car seat, I looked over and saw this (see photo to the right). Big D "walked" grandpa into Paradise Bakery and then sat with him calmly while I went and got our order.

Course, you can't take two kids out in public without SOMETHING goofy happening.

"Bubba" - or "Fat Boy Slim" has a bad habit of grabbing anything he can get his fat little fingers on. As I was putting the tray on the table, Bubba decided to grab grandpa's bowl of soup and dump the whole damn thing all over himself - and me since I was too slow to grab it in time. Needless to say, the soup was a bit "warm" and Bubba didn't like swimming in it. Screams abounded. I quickly rushed him to the bathroom for a shower, and when I came  back, the great staff had already cleaned up the mess. Other than having to sit in wet clothes for an hour, Bubba was no worse for wear. My shoes on the other hand are still painted orange from the tomato soup. 

We had a lovely lunch. Grandpa couldn't get over how "cute" Big D was. I think he was partial to her since she showed some  affection towards him. Big D even sat NEXT TO ME - most of the time…

Half way through lunch Big D was happily inhaling her mac and cheese when she spotted a macaroni she had dropped on the floor under the table. She decided to retrieve said macaroni and eat it before I could grab it. Well, being the good father that I am, I lifted her back up on the bench next to me and said "Yucky". That was it for her. She decided I really was "evil" and decided she was going to finish her lunch sitting next to grandpa (see photo). At least she only cried for a minute… and immediately stopped when I plopped her down on the other side of the table.

Good times! During lunch grandpa came up with another Hollyism that I updated here . 

As many of you know, I go and visit my 98-year-old grandfather once a week and take him to lunch. His favorite place is the Pardise Cafe and Bakery - specifically, the Fire Roasted Tomato soup.

I usually call him around 10:30am on Wednesday mornings to see if he is home and ready to go to lunch. I'm usually at his house 30 minutes later so we can beat the crowd. Last Wednesday I called him on my cell phone in the car around 10:40am and he answered "all ready to go!". I must have flown on the freeway because I was walking through his door 10 minutes later.

I usually let myself in and yell from the door something like "Yyyello!"… Usually, he walks around the corner ready to put his coat on. This time I didn't hear anything from him, so I continued on into his living room to find him SOUND ASLEEP in his special rocking chair. Here's the picture to prove it. Actually, I took several pictures with my cell phone… this is just the best one. During my "photo session" the clock on the wall - not 12 feet from his head struck eleven. Any one who has tried to sleep in his house knows this clock well. It wakes the dead… but not grandpa. He slept right through it.

At this point I checked to make sure he was still alive… and he was, breathing deep and sleeping like a baby. I thought about what to do next. I decided to go back to the kitchen door and pretend like I just arrived - only this time I was going to be LOUDER as I entered. I slammed the door and yelled out "YYYYELLLOW!" … and walked back into the living room. ZZZ  ZZZZ ZZZZ….

After a little chuckle I stood there and called out, "You awake!"… "Yup", he says, like he's been sitting there waiting for me the whole time. Then he jumped up as usual and off we went… and he was none the wiser.

That reminds me… I added another "special" Hollyism to my ongoing blog about the many funny things he says. Go and check it out here.

Some of you may or may not know, but my grandfather Hollis Service will be turning 98 in November… yes 98! Well, all those years haven't slowed the old man down any. Okay, he walks a little slower and uses a cane, but his mind is just as sharp as ever.

I visit my grandfather atleast once a week and we have lunch (usually at Paradise Bakery/Cafe because they have the best tomato soup on the planet). We talk about everything under the moon, and laugh A LOT. I'm not the funny one… I only WISH I had half the wit he has. As a tribute to him, I am going to update this post everytime  A) I think of something funny he said - OR - B) He says something new that cracks me up.

The list of "Hollyisms"…

In reference to the strength of his coffee, he laid these two on me today:

     "I hope my teeth don't melt…"

     "This coffe is stronger than stud piss with the foam parted off the top."

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His favorite poem (and mine)… but it is 10 times funnier when he says it. I think I will record him saying it once and post it here later.

     Down the street a beggar flew
     and from his breast a knife he drew
     and cut a cockroach right in two

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How you doing Grandpa?… "Just barely"

How old are you Grandpa?… "See those mountains over there? They weren't there when I was born."

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If he really likes something that you or someone else has, he has two classic lines.

     "I wish I had that guys car and he had a feather up his ass… then we'd both be tickled."

     "If you feel yourself slipping, go ahead and drop that leather chair off at 365 East and 2400 South." (his house)

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If  you are driving in the car with him and he catches you staring at anything for too long he'll ask you, "Where is she?" … Thinking you must be looking at a pretty girl if you are staring so long.

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See someone with a big nose?

     "I wish I had that guy's nose full of nickles… I'd be rich!"

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See a really tall person?

     "If she fell down, she'd be half way home."

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Woman with large breasts?

     "I thought she was trying to smuggle canteloupes under her shirt."

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A few more added on September 21st, 2006:

We're driving down the freeway and there is an excessively long semi trailer in the right lane…

     "Boy, that thing is longer than a well rope."

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Have you heard about the "bashful man"? He sticks his foot in the toilet and pees down his leg as to not make any sound…

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About a person's hair…. 

     "What are you using for a hair? A rat's nest?"

     "What did you do? Comb your hair with a frying pan?" 

     on a bad hair cut… "What'd she do, beat it off with a wet rope?"

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So we have a little two year old foster child in our home named Malachi. His name is a bit "rough" to say the least, so grandpa has come up with few of his own names over the last few months.

     "You still got Gunga Din?"

     "How's Ebeneezer doing?"

     "So Rasputin's mum doesn't want him?

     "Little Nebacanezzer sure is a cute little bugger." 

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If you are a child and you come in bawling because you hurt yourself…

     "How'd ya cut ya bite ya burn ya?"

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Here's a contribution from my brother Ian:

Cheese is “Bumclogger.” UPDATE:… the other day at the Paradise Cafe, he told me to "hold the cloggem'" on his soup. So, you can use "Bum Cloggem" as well as "Bum Clogger".

Which leads to . . . this story:

While casually talking about being “regular” Grandpa said, “I’ve got some medicine back home, that if you take it, 15 minutes later you can bend over and write your name on the wall.” ;o)

And finally: Whenever you can’t remember the name of a person, place or thing, call it a “Ferndock.” As demonstrated by Hollis while singing a church Hymn. “Put your ferndock to the wheel, push along . . .”

My sister-in-law Natalie (Ian's wife) thougt of some more Hollyisms:

“If you smell cabbage, don’t ask for any.” (Think about it).

And:

A couple years ago we stayed at Grandpa’s house on a short vacation. While there Natalie was going to do a load of laundry so we would have clean clothes for the remainder of our trip.
Grandpa, upon seeing Natalie load the whites into the washer, asked, “What, do those have manure on them?” The best part is how he laughs at Natalie because of her reaction. He loves to get a rise out of anyone.

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Addition on 10/14/2006…

"What do you need? … A kick in the belly?"

If he didn't understand you the first time around…
"Whadya say Pierre?"

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Addition on 10/24/2006…

For some reason 5 new "Hollyisms" popped up this week… So of course, I had to blog them!

If you trip, drop something, or are just plain clumsy… "Remember when you used to be awkward?"

We stepped outside the other day, and it was a bit chilly. Grandpa said, "It's colder than a step-mother's kiss."

The FUNNIEST thing happened last week as grandpa, Avery, and me were leaving Paradise Cafe. Just before grandpa went to get into the car, he cut a big, long, loud fart… and then turned around to look at Avery. Avery, of course was beside himself with laughter… and then grandpa said, "Ya get any on ya?". We all lost it after that. I haven't seen grandpa laugh that hard in a long time. I think he was laughing more because of how Avery reacted than anything else.

Before the farting incident, we sat down for lunch inside Paradise Cafe. When my sandwhich was delivered, (a grilled turkey panini) grandpa took one look at it and said, "That looks like it's been eaten once."

And one more… I don't know how I ever missed this one… Avery asked grandpa, "Where we going?" Of course the standard answer for that question is, "Crazy! Wanna come?"

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I've often been heard saying, "It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!" … but grandpa one-upped me today (January 16th, 2007) with this one: "I guess it's better than a kick in the ass with a frozen boot.".

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A "SPECIAL" Hollyism (January 23rd, 2007): Since grandpa is "getting up there" in years, he tends to have a few aches and pains… and his joints don't always work so well… which brings me to his new "favorite" saying… "My legs are stiffer than a wedding dick". After he says that, he chuckles to himself and says, "I wonder if old age has anything to do with that?".

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Update: (February 21st, 2007) My father has been on a roll lately remembering a few Hollyisms… Well, he DID live with the man almost 20 years growing up.

Let's say you hit your thumb with a hammer (or injur yourself some other way). As long as it hurts, grandpa would say, "My thumb is throbbing like a sick bird's bum."

And if you get behind some slow poke on the freeway going 10 miles under the speed limit… "Boy, I sure hope this guy doesn't back up!"

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Update: (March 27th, 2007) The other day grandpa was telling me about the new garage my uncle Gary was having built onto his house. He explained how the concrete work was perfect, but when he looked over the edge into the hole in the ground, he got the "wisps and jingles" and felt like he was going to fall in. Gary said he would have caught him.

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Update: (April 11th, 2007) The old man never ceases to amaze me. Today at lunch grandpa said he had a back ache. I told him he needed to lay off of the "heavy lifting" at his age. He promptly replied, "Right now, I couldn't lift a Hershey's bar if it had nuts in it."

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Update: (August 22nd, 2007) Sadly, grandpa passed away yesterday… but his humor lives on! Here's one my cousin-in-law Allison remembered while we were at the hospital with grandpa yesterday.

If you know someone who is really cheap you say this about them: "He's as tight as a bull's ass at fly time."

My sister Holly remembered this one… when you are sitting at a street light that is taking a really long time to change to green: "I wonder how long this lights been broken?" 

Continue to send me Hollyisms as you remember them! Just because he's past, doesn't mean we'll forget his sense of humor. He'd want it that way. 

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 Update: (October 22nd, 2007) Even in death, he lives on… My uncle Gary told me this one yesterday: "I'm as full as a Garden Toad"… after we had wonderful Sunday dinner.

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Oh, there are MANY more than that… but I can't think of them ALL right now. If you remember any of them, feel free to email them to me.